Friday, January 06, 2006

Double-Oh Pundit

(A Filthy Lie)

It's a pity. Pierce Brosnan made such a great Bond. Now this young upstart Daniel Craig takes the reigns as the new 007. But who is to be the new Bond villan?

As advised by Alliance HQ, we have to place consideration that our Archnemisis, the Evil Glenn Reynolds, could be a potential Bond villan. But really...this guy?
Insert Laughter Here
Here's why Evil Glenn could never make it as a Bond villan:

1) A Bond villan needs to be suave (Goldfinger) or rediculously ugly (Jaws). This man is a Bill Gates clone. Now Bill Gates could make a decent Bond villan, but he's already achieved world domination, so Bond is way too late.

2) A Bond villan needs to embrace new technologies. And Bond villan would release a nanite plague on the world and hold it hostage since he's the only one with the off-switch. Glenn fears nanites. He's afraid they'll turn him into a cyborg. A Bond villan would love to be a cyborg!

3) A Bond villan has no need for energy drinks. A Bond villan would never use something as crude as a blender. Glenn and his blended puppy energy drinks would be his immediate downfall. Bond would merely cut off his puppy supply and *phhht*, Glenn would disappear.

4) A Bond villan needs to kill visible targets. Glenn shoots hobos. What's worse is that he does it for his Dark Lord. No Bond villan ever did anything for a Dark Lord. They only do things for themselves.

5) No Bond villan ever danced the Robot!!!

I still can't get past this, though:
Insert More Laughter Here
So in summation, Glenn shall remain our Archnemisis but not of that of 007. He's got bigger fish to fry.

My name is Cool. JermCool.


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