Wednesday, December 21, 2005

A filthy Iran

(A Precision Guided Attempt-At-Humor Assignment)

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad is still holding #1 on the leaderboard of my Stupidest Man Alive list. First there was the desire to wipe Israel off the map. Then the Holocaust was nothing more than a myth. It's like a gazelle poking a lion with a stick just to annoy it. So as the world sits back in astonishment at the total lack of intelligence President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (how do you pronounce that?)has shown, we have to ask: What will he say next?

As it turns out, he wasn't quite sure himself. He actually called in some help - FrankJ of IMAO.

Thankfully, my phone taps over at IMAO HQ hadn't been removed yet. No. I won't tell you why I tapped IMAO HQ. Nevertheless, I got this conversation on tape! Yay!
FrankJ: Hello?
Pres Ahmadinejad: Hello, Infidel FrankJ of the Great Satan that is IMAO.
FJ: Mahmoud, you need to quit calling me. Do you know what time it is here?
MA: Silence, you American pig. I am in need of your assistance.
FJ: Look, I told you I wasn't going to sell you that nuke. I'm saving that for a special occasion.
MA: I don't want your nuke, infidel. I need advice.
FJ: Advice on what?
MA: You torment your enemy, the Evil Glenn Reynolds of the Great Satan Instapundit. I need to do this to the Evil Ariel Sharon of the Great Satan Israel.
FJ: But we like Israel.
MA: You only like Israel because the pig Laurence Simon tells you to. Zionist Conspirator pigs! All of the Jews!
FJ: Lay off the Jews, dude.
MA: They killed Jesus.
SarahK: You will help him now, Frank.
FJ: Go back to bed, sweety. Okay, Mahmoud. All you have to do is find something newsworthy and exploit it.
MA: Like what?
FJ: Like the recent stroke. Come up with something totally ridiculous that could have caused it.
MA: Hmm...like it was caused by...hmmm...
FJ: You can do it!
MA: Silence, infidel! I am thinking...hmmm...ummm... Bacon!
FJ: Bacon?
MA: He's Jewish. He's not allowed to eat bacon.
FJ: Not bad. Ridiculous cause and insult his faith. Well done.
MA: Of course it is! That is why I am exalted by Allah and am the president of Iran who shall wipe all infidels off the map.
FJ: You're still not getting my nuke.
MA: Please?!!
FJ: *click*
So there it is, dear reader. Any time now, the Iranian President should be reporting to every news agency he can get to listen that Ariel Sharon's stroke was caused by the consumption of bacon. I think he plans on following up with the order to banish every pig in Iran to Israel. Stay tuned.

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