Sunday, October 30, 2005

Poor Scooter!

So I'm sitting here poring over the indictment (PDF) of this guy:

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Crap...wrong Photo...

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That's him. Scooter Libby. I'm just trying to get up on the state of play. It seems just about every blog out there has one opinion of another about him.

I find it amazing this made it past a Grand Jury. He's being charged with...and let me get this straight...lying about something he was supposed to be lying about anyway...? And then they wait two years to see if his story slips.

You know, if I tried to pull that kind of move, my brain would implode upon itself. Good on ya', Scooter! If only you had the repulsor beam Karl Rove seems to have invented.

(Actually, Karl carries a Super-Soaker filled with garlic and holy water. Whenever those vampiric inquisitors gets near him, he gives them a blast. Then they go back to their media masters and say that he "presented new evidence." Hey - It worked in Lost Boys.)

What I don't get is why the heck they're not indicting Joseph Wilson. It seems to be that a CIA operative talking about himself being a CIA operative is a bit more of a leak than a White House official talking about someone who "may work for the CIA." And no one is saying if Ms Plume/Wilson was indeed a covert agent. For all we know, she could be a mere analyst who sits in a dull cubicle at Langley poring over reports like I'm poring over this indictment.

And then there's this:

"The criminal indictments of a top White House official mark a sad day for America and another chapter in the Republicans' culture of corruption. At the heart of these indictments was the effort by the Bush Administration to discredit critics of its Iraq policy with reckless disregard for national security and the public trust," said House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi of California.

Yeah...And the impeachment (which did stick, by the way) of President Clinton was a bright point for the Democratic Party. How did he get impeached again? Oh yeah...Lying to investigators. Will the Representative from California please sit down and shut up?

Great - there's an hour of my life I'll never get back.
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Edit #1: I take it back. Her status was classified which means she was "technically" covert. Nevertheless, I find it a heck of a lot more likely that her husband spilled the beans and left ol' Scooter (Rove used his powers of persuasion to make himself invisible) to take the fall. What a way to do it! Bitch about the administration and take an advisor out in one fell swoop!

Must...stop...losing...more...time...to...live!!!

Internal Stupid Error

If you're visiting the site and think to yourself, "Self? Something is amiss here at AoS," you'd be 100% correct.

I decided to make some changes to the template and totally screwed up my sidebar (which became a very long "bottom bar"). So I've reset the template and am now rushing like a madman to get everything back up to specs.

Never never never try HTML coding when suffering from a lack of sleep.
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Edit #1: Okay - I think I have everything back to normal. Although if anyone spots anything that screams "Jerm is a MORON!" (other than you, Sean), please let me know via comment.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

An UN-Happy Birthday

(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)

So the UN has turned 60 and I'm so excited about it, I'm giving them nothing!

That's right. For their ability to accomplish nothing, I intend on sending them nothing!

Koffi Annan should pass out invisible birthday cake to all the delagates, everyone should get non-existent presents and no one should turn up to the party that won't happen.

Of course, the UN will feel bad about it and demand that the United States troops airlift a shipment of gifts to be showered upon UN HQ. But the USAF will miss and drop all the pressies on a school down the road which will enrage the liberals who will demand an enquiry as to how the drop was so poorly executed.

Then Michael Moore will make a documentary about the inept military and how they cheated a bunch of poor UN delegates out of presents by dropping them on undeserving children.

Stupid Case Evaluation #005

Spacemonkey, you're a friggin' GENIUS!!!

Forbes has taken upon the duty of warning the world that bloggers like us are slanderers, libelists, and generally a boil upon the butt of the internet.

And they post this article on-line. What? They think we're too wound up in our own blogs not to notice? (We recommend using http://bugmenot.com/ to login).

I love this line that describes blogs. And this is the writer's own words:

Suddenly they are the ultimate vehicle for brand-bashing, personal attacks, political extremism and smear campaigns.

Dude...It is also a place for stupidity to be exposed. Daniel Lyons of Forbes Magazine, you are now inducted into the Wall of Shame.

Achtung Alliance!

(A Filthy Lie)

Oh yes, dear reader. The logo in my sidebar isn't about freedom. It's about our united desire to eliminate Glenn Reynolds and all of his links from the internet map. We shall march across the internet, rounding up all of Glenn's links, placing them in concentration camps then forcing them break down bytes into bits. Then we shall place them in chambers and bombard them with tainted electrons. As for Glenn himself, we shall bomb him with spam until he caves like France.

For we, like the Nazis, believe our cause to be right and true under our Fuhrer.

Hence, we fashion our symbol to resemble that of the Third Reich.

But unlike France, Glenn might actually last longer than 30 seconds.

Stupid Case Evaluation #004 (International Edition)

Seriously - why on earth would you try and deliberately piss off one of the largest nuclear capable nations on earth when your own nuclear weapons program is still allegedly under development?

President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran, that is an immediate induction into the Wall of Shame.

Granted, ITV News reported Tony Blair's response as a "repeat of history" saying that his comments were all-too-similar for the leadup to Iraq.

So?

Stupid Case Evaluation #003

I love the video store. It gives me something to do whenever British ITV News is reported here (apparently ITV still hasn't given up on the whole Plume/Rove/Libby/Cheney/Bush fiasco - which being in New Zealand I am still blissfully ignorant of what it's all about). I hate ITV. Bloody one-eyed liberals reporting their opinion of the news as fact. The slow reaction to Katrina was still racially motivated here. Betcha didn't know that! Granted, none of us believe it. And if you do, I will add you to the Wall of Shame faster than you can blink.

But I digress.

On the drive back from the video store, I see on the side of the road a group of teenagers surrounding a car. The driver of the car was so busy chatting with his compatriots, that he fails to notice me coming up the street and he starts to back out right in front of me. Before he can get too far, I sound my horn to get him to pay attention.

He promptly gives me the finger. (???) Trace and TJ who were in the car with me returned the gesture (???) and we drive on.

Of course, they are teenagers. I guess stupid just comes with the turf.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Public Service Announcement #001

The Carnival of Comedy #26 is now up-and-running at SeanS's site.

Go for the laughs. Stay for...well...

He does make a decent cup of coffee...

Thursday, October 27, 2005

The Rules of Electronics Operation

Disclaimer: I developed these rules myself in an effort to curb my own stupidity from rising to the surface. However, I suffer from a disturbing lack of originality so if I somehow managed to steal these from you - tough noogies.

These are the Rules of Electronics Operation:

Rule #1: It works better if you plug it in.
If it's mains powered, check that the plug pack or power cord is plugged into the wall. If it's a telephone that isn't getting dial tone, check that the phone cord is plugged in. If it's computer speakers that aren't getting noise, check that they're plugged into the right hole. So much can be resolved once it's plugged in.

Rule #2: It works even better if you turn it on.
Plugging it in isn't the end of the story. That little toggle switch has a nasty tendency of ending up in the wrong position.

Rule #3: If all else fails, read the manual.
Why I don't change this to rule #1 is beyond me. But then, I don't do that. I plug it in, turn it on, then read the manual. But I don't play until after I read the manual. I will say it again. READ THE MANUAL.

Rule #4: Tech support is for genuine problems and/or losers.
I have called tech support only 5 times in my life. The first time was when I kept getting booted off the internet and I couldn't stay online to find a webpage to tell me why I might be getting kicked off the internet. After talking to a guy that sounded like he was about to blow his own brains out, we found the problem (oddly enough, it was a hardware configuration error with a shared IRQ - which resolved itself after we unplugged the scanner...yes, the scanner). After that, I resolved to make sure I had exhausted every possibility before calling the poor bloke or woman who had to deal with morons on a minutely basis. Then I started taking tech support calls and more often than not, the answers my callers seek can be found in the freaking manual. Don't be a loser. Please?
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These rules may be added to as I come to more conclusions about the stupidity of my clients. I will endeavor to keep you informed, dear reader.

Stupid Case Evaluation #002

I hate tech support.

I do understand some people are just technologically inept. It happens. But when people don't know even the most basics of computer operation...well...buy an iMac.

Take heed, dear reader. Don't let this happen to you:

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Caller: My computer has locked up. I try and open an e-mail and it just freezes, then I get this box that says "This program is not responding." So I close Outlook and try again and the same thing happens.
JermCool: Have you tried rebooting?
Caller: How do you do that?
JermCool (after feeling the muscles in his neck clench): Click [Start].
Caller: Where's that?
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Now anyone with any experience with a computer should know how to reboot. Some of us even know what [Ctrl]+[Alt]+[Del] used to do when using MS-DOS. And we're not even that old. Shaddup. We're not!

Furthermore, anyone with experience with Windows 95, 98, ME, XP, NT, or any other 2-digit combination should know where the [Start] button is! C'mon! It's a computer, not a magic box that "resembles a television with a typewriter attached."

Obviously, this caller needs to be placed on the Wall of Shame. But after consulting with Kevin (IMAO's legal advisor who told me to "piss off and find out about New Zealand slander laws yourself you lazy ass."), I decided not to take the risk of mentioning names. I could because God knows she'd never be able to find this weblog without calling me up first...

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Stupid Case Evaluation #001

This first example of stupid, dear reader, is one that should bring you to tears, or possibly make you violently ill.

Background: We import, distribute, and service long-range cordless phones. One of my responsibilities is to take tech support phone calls relating to our product. This was a true tech support phone call that I took:

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Caller: "Hi! I've got this phone and it's not going."
JermCool: "What type of phone is it?"
C: "It's a long-range cordless."
J: "What's the model?"
C: "Where do I find that?"
J: "Underneath the battery of the handset or underneath the base station."
*phone gets disconnected*
*client calls back*
C: "Sorry - I unplugged the battery and the phone disconnected..."
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Now note the following: 1) They were calling me on the phone that was faulty. 2) They believed that I would still be on the other side of the phone AFTER they unplugged the battery from the handset.

Lessons to be learned here: 1) Never own anything smarter than yourself. 2) Never sell anything high-tech to someone who still does not have opposable thumbs. Realistically the salesperson is ultimately to blame here. They should have sold two tin cans and a long piece of string.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Back on the Wagon

I had vowed to never blog again, but Red vs Blue got me back in the habit. But the reader base is now limited to geeks, teenage pervs, and people who used to be interesting but no longer post. Yes, I am a geek, but no longer a teenager (note how I'm not mentioning whether or not I'm a perv), and I'm rarely interesting which is why I am still posting there.

Then SeanS (my brother in real life) came along and pointed me to his blog: Shoot A Liberal. I found him insightful and witty - something he must have developed in his adult life because he was a right git when we were growing up (I love you, bro!).

Be it a case of sibling rivalry (I shall not be outdone by the likes of you!!!) or a case of monkey-see, monkey do, I'm back. New Blog. New JermCool.
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Since no one knows me yet, I'll give a slight introduction. I'm a misplaced American (who could claim Minnesota or California as "home") living in Invercargill, New Zealand with my Kiwi wife (Trace) and two step-kids (Jess & TJ). I'm a service technician, which means I do repair work, take tech support phone calls, set up new phone systems and local area networks, and basically do all the footwork to make what the salespeople sell work for the client. The job has its perks - I get to work with really cool geek toys. But then there are the downfalls: People who are dumber than the gear they buy.

Hence, I call this site the Abolition of Stupidity. When I see stupid, I consider it my civic duty to inform the public so that they may take appropriate measures to avoid it.

Of course, there are those who cannot be helped (Michael Moore), so I shall keep a Wall of Shame. When you meet these people, you will know to avoid them at all costs, lest their stupidity rub off on you.

Take heed, good citizens. The information contained may someday save your life!