Friday, March 17, 2006

Hey Dad!

If you were here you'd be 50 right now!

Happy Birthday, Dad! Wish I could be there for it. Granted, I wish you could be here for mine too. Someone put this big bloody ocean in the way!

Friday, February 17, 2006

Stupid Case Evaluation #012

This is just sad.

I am currently looking at a repair for an old long-range cordless. The included fault description says this:
Bad Static poor reception.
We also have no aerial.
Thank you.
For the uninitiated, "aerial" is the kiwi word for "antenna." Apparently it doesn't occur to the customer that not having an antenna could cause the bad static and poor reception. I guess it was merely decoration? Or better yet: a handle for carrying the phone around.

This is one of those customers who should be relegated to two cups attached to each other by a long piece of string.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Back in the Saddle

Sorry for the hiatus, folks. Real life kinda snuck up on me and knocked me over the back of the head.

Things have finally started to settle down again, so I shall be back with more stories of woe and agony in the very near future.

Thanks for your patience!

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Stupid Case Evaluation #011

Listen carefully, dear reader:

There are TWO parts to a cordless telephone.

Most people already know this. You've got the part that you carry around, which is called a handset. Then you have the part that connects - and this is very important - to the telephone line. This is called a base unit.

Why do I consider this important? Because when I take a tech support call and someone tells me that their cordless telephone isn't working the first thing I will try is to re-register the handset and base unit. When I tell them to go to the base unit and they ask what that is, my blood pressure jumps right through the roof. It jumps further still when they ask me where their base unit is.

I have no crystal ball. I cannot see through my telephone to locate your base, moron. Here's a thought - follow the wire coming out of your phone jack!

"Well, where's that?"

AAAARGH!!!

Monday, January 09, 2006

Ha Ha!

I know it's a few days late, but SeanS over at Shoot A Liberal has posted the Best Blonde Joke Ever!

My sides hurt!

Friday, January 06, 2006

Double-Oh Pundit

(A Filthy Lie)

It's a pity. Pierce Brosnan made such a great Bond. Now this young upstart Daniel Craig takes the reigns as the new 007. But who is to be the new Bond villan?

As advised by Alliance HQ, we have to place consideration that our Archnemisis, the Evil Glenn Reynolds, could be a potential Bond villan. But really...this guy?
Insert Laughter Here
Here's why Evil Glenn could never make it as a Bond villan:

1) A Bond villan needs to be suave (Goldfinger) or rediculously ugly (Jaws). This man is a Bill Gates clone. Now Bill Gates could make a decent Bond villan, but he's already achieved world domination, so Bond is way too late.

2) A Bond villan needs to embrace new technologies. And Bond villan would release a nanite plague on the world and hold it hostage since he's the only one with the off-switch. Glenn fears nanites. He's afraid they'll turn him into a cyborg. A Bond villan would love to be a cyborg!

3) A Bond villan has no need for energy drinks. A Bond villan would never use something as crude as a blender. Glenn and his blended puppy energy drinks would be his immediate downfall. Bond would merely cut off his puppy supply and *phhht*, Glenn would disappear.

4) A Bond villan needs to kill visible targets. Glenn shoots hobos. What's worse is that he does it for his Dark Lord. No Bond villan ever did anything for a Dark Lord. They only do things for themselves.

5) No Bond villan ever danced the Robot!!!

I still can't get past this, though:
Insert More Laughter Here
So in summation, Glenn shall remain our Archnemisis but not of that of 007. He's got bigger fish to fry.

My name is Cool. JermCool.

Thursday, January 05, 2006

Continuation of Stupidity

As you may have noticed, dear reader, that my posts have been few and far between. This is due to the fact that I am on Holiday! Well...I should be.

So far, every day that the office has been open I have been taking phone calls from work. At home.

The objective of my holiday was to not take tech support phone calls for two weeks. It was my personal Abolition of Stupidity. Two glorious weeks of phonecall-free bliss.

And I have taken a phone call every day they've been open. I need a holiday from my holiday. :P